d i n a n e . n e t 

Editor’s Disclaimer Update: Diane’s finger is looking much better today and has a much smaller bandage attached to it now. It is possible that she may even be able to type correctly! Moving on…

I often say that I’m not really a girl. In many ways that’s true. I like sports and action movies. I drink beer and do shots occasionally. I like math, science, and technology. I play video games and poker. I can take most insults without taking them to heart. I can dish out insults in a joking tone. I don’t wear jewelry. I only wear a dress if I have to. I wouldn’t be fashionable at all if it weren’t for my sister. I have a thick skull and I’m stubborn.

Thing is, though, I’m not all masculine. I also enjoy romantic movies. I also drink wine and frou-frou “girly” drinks. I also like music, painting, and arts-and-crafts. I took bridge lessons when I was younger. I can get unexpectedly emotional. I do care what I look like. I wish I was fashionable on my own. I ask for directions when I’m lost and my thick skull is often accompanied by a thin skin.

Really, though, aside from physical features, the one thing that makes me realize that I am in fact female most often is tears. I’m kind of an idiot about crying. I do it too frickin’ much. So much that it annoys even me. I hate that every emotion I have results in tears. Upset? Cry. Mad? Cry. Frustrated? Cry. Worried? Cry. Joyful? Cry. Proud? Cry. Excited? Cry. What the fuck is that?!

I’ve had a couple recent incidents that have set me off something awful. The worst part is, once I start, I have a real hard time stopping. It creeps up on me. First, the choking feeling in my throat comes, and I gasp for oxygen. Then I feel the salinated water welling up in my eyes. I’ll lean my head back, force my eyes to stay open, look up, do anything to keep those tears contained, because once they let loose, it’s all over. A streak down my cheek, sniffles, and then if I’m really lucky, the complete water works.

I truly do try to stop this nonsense. Especially since I graduated into the Real World^TM. I’ve had moderate success in this area. I went almost a year before I let a tear out at work. I’ve been trying to let things slide more. Of course, almost any movie will still set me off. Happy endings get me. Romantic endings. Sad endings especially. Sometimes there’s sobbing.

I have seasonal affective depression. It’s gotten kind of ridiculous lately. I wake up, and it’s dark. The sun is rising as I drive to work. I go to my desk when is no where near any windows. I leave work, and the sun is setting. Yesterday, I got stuck working on something for a while and when I left work the sun had already gone to visit another part of the world.

So this silly mental crap mixes with my tendency to cry and I get a water ride theme park on my face.

At least I am aware of it. I figure, I’m a pretty intelligent person. I ought to be able to keep control over my emotions. I don’t want to become a robot or anything like that. I would like to have a semblance of normalcy.

Where am I going with this? I don’t know. I abandoned this post like 5 hours ago and came back to see it still sitting here. It’s kind of difficult to click the “Publish” button on this one. I guess I’d better just do it anyway.

Well, it’s official. Winter has begun.

There was frost on my car this morning. I had to sit and wait for my car to defrost. No, I did not scrape the windshield. I was not mentally prepared for such an activity, so I let the car’s heat melt away the thin layer of crystallized water while I nibbled on my breakfast. I suppose that I did that in defiance of the cold.

For some reason I cannot explain, I decided to wear a yellow short sleeved shirt today. This turned out to be somewhat foolish, though my fleece jacket did keep me warm. I’m not one to re-wardrobe myself, so I’ll just consider it additional defiance.

To add to that, the sun was also mocking me. It was just barely risen, so when I came over the crest of the first hill, I reached for my sunglasses. After that first hill, the sun didn’t get high enough to be seen over the tree line. But I kept those sunglasses on. In defiance!

I suppose I can take some solace in the fact that daylight savings time is either ending or beginning (I have no real idea) this weekend, so the sun will be up “earlier.” Of course, I generally think that daylight savings time is retarded. What’s the point, really? Is it because people want an extra hour of sleep in the beginning of winter? But that can’t be it, because people who work nights have to work an extra hour this weekend. People always say it’s for the farmers, but farmers will laugh at that. They could care less what time a clock says when they wake up. They wake up with the sun.

So, why do we have to bother with daylight savings?

I just did myself some googling, and found this lovely website. It tells me that I am using the incorrect grammar! I’ll have to fix that from here on out. Daylight saving time. Daylight saving time. Daylight saving time. Hopefully that will drill it into my head.

I also learned a bunch of other things about daylight saving time. Like, for example, I learned that Europe has something similar, but they call it “summer time.” I think that is much less offensive sounding, as really, I’m not saving anything sunlight. I’m indoors all day anyway. I also learned that in 1999, the country of Jordan decided to adopt summer time year round. That is hilarious.

I also was reminded of the fact that the US will be changing the week for springing forward and falling back as of 2007. I’m sure that will cause a multitude of headaches for all devices that handle the transition automatically. Screw Y2K, the DST Change will suck more. Build your underground technology free bunkers now!

Well, this entry is off to a frightening start. I mean end. I mean goodbye.