Archive for February, 2006
I Win, You Spamming Spamlike Spambot Spamalot Spammers!
I’m slow, okay? I complained about my first comment spam way back in December, and just yesterday, I finally got around to installing Spam Karma 2. I’m still a slacker and haven’t installed Bad Behavior… I’ll get around to it…
Anyway! SK2 has killed it’s first spam. Aww, isn’t he cute! I should have taken pictures. This means I stop getting moderation requests for spam comments that tell me how great a blogger I am before pumping their website in roundabout ways.
So, spammers, stay away. It’s totally not worth your time! I’ve got karma on my side, and I’m not afraid to use it!
Not as Cool as Mrs. Head
[Editor's Note: If you don't know what Roshambo is, you should read up on it first. Then, if you want to practice, try out the Roshambot. My winning percentage after 20 throws was 5%. Not so hot, actually, but better than losing.]
I’m no poker blogger. I’ve never been to Vegas. I’ve never met Phil Gordon in person. I’m just not as cool as Mrs. Head. (Don’t know what I’m talking about? Start here. Then read this, then this, and finally finish off here. Trust me when I say this is an awesome story.)
I have no idea how we got to 1-1 and a giggling stare down at the Sole on Friday. Well, that’s not entirely true. I’m pretty sure the day started off normally. I’m also pretty sure we had started the day with no intention of being in Worcester that night. But the weather predictions at the time were grim for Saturday evening, and weather.com recommended we complete all travels by late afternoon Saturday, so we traded in our Saturday tickets for Friday tickets to see Much Ado About Nothing as directed by the lovely Kelly.
Confused yet?
Kelly’s cast did a fabulous job putting up the Shakespeare play Much Ado About Nothing. It was very funny, as it should be, and the language didn’t seem to tongue-tie anyone. The interaction was great, and the bubbling fountain was extravagant. Well done.
After the show, we were chatting in the Little Theatre for approximately forever. Finally, Kelly kicked us out. and five of us went on down to the Sole for expensive drinks. Mike was not thrilled. He seemed to get over it, however, when his margarita was delivered in a pint glass. My mojito was similarly large, and definitely powerful. Chris and Rob shared a bowl, and Dave went for something completely different – cappuccino. (I bet you thought I was going to say Diet Coke.)
We were talking and drinking for quite a while, and I really couldn’t tell you how the topic of conversation got around to Roshambo, but it did. Next thing you know, I’m challenging Mike… or did he challenge me… to a best two out of three battle. We reassured each other on the rules – straight out of “The Nuts” features ESPN’s WSOP broadcasts. One – Two – Shoot. No three. Shoot on “shoot.” Ready? Okay.
I started the match with rock, to get a feel for Mike’s state of mind. Obviously, we were on the same wavelength, as he also threw rock. No matter. We started again. Rock and rock, again! Okay, I think, he must be going avalanche. The right answer to that would be paper. Oh no! He’s in my mind! Paper and paper! Three shoots, three ties! I started giggling uncontrollably. Chris and Dave could not believe their eyes: the match was so matched. Rob could not believe his eyes: we were actually playing “Rock-Paper-Scissors” in a fancy restaurant.
I thought through my process some more, looking for a hole in Mike’s game. Scissors would be an obvious answer to paper, but he won’t do paper again. But he’ll think the same thing about me. So it will have to be rock. But that’s what he’ll think… In some round about way, I ended up with scissors. Damn it! Another tie! This was getting out of control. But I could handle it. Paper! Five shoots, five ties?! Whoa. This is one for the ages.
Okay, let’s settle down. We were all giggling. Someone kept saying something about the odds of that happening were outrageous. I took a cosmic breath, stared Mike down, and “One – Two – Shoot!” Rock! And he had scissors! I was up one! Awesome! I took the obvious approach in the next shoot, and my scissors were smashed by his rock. We were tied, once again, but now the game was on the line.
“One – Two – Shoot!” Tied on rock. Deep breath. Giggle. Another deep breath. “One – Two – Shoot!” Paper! And what’s that? Is that… a rock?! WOOT!
The giggling continued for several minutes, as we explained the stories we’d seen and heard about Roshambo. Mike discussed his theory for how to go up against the great Phil Gordon. I’m doubtful of his potential for success, but he might be able to get one up on his first shoot, if he’s careful.
Unfortunately, no money, nor any worldly possession, was on the line. Pride, however, was out there to be taken. I am totally awesome. I’d challenge you… but… I don’t know… I’d hate to take your pride away. Heh… heh…
Thank You Bruce!
Route 302 always feels kind of like a rollercoaster to me. It twists and turns. It goes up and down. There are quick bumps, long downhill stretches, and steep inclines. And, most of the time, the northern end of the road is completely barren of people.
The town of Wilmington, CT does a reasonable job trying to keep everyone driving up there in line. I mean, how could you not be careful when there’s a speed limit sign every 50 yards? Oddly, though, it’s not always the same number…
I was late, so I was probably going too fast. It was dark, much darker than it gets even in the suburbia of my home, and I had my high-beams on. My radio was blasting The Unauthorized Biography of Reinhold Messner as I sang along. I know every word and ever note on that album.
As I approached route 44, my ride on the rollercoaster was over, for the time being. I would get to ride it back home. The bright lights of CVS shone in the distance, and I called my sister. “I have reached the point where the roads meet.” She had called earlier and told me to call her when I got to route 44. She said she was on her way to get Carla and they’d meet me at the door.
My sister, Sa (or Sarah if you, you know, want to know her actual name), had invited me (ME!) to come down to UConn to see the King’s Singers with her. My sister, who used to punch me in the arm, wanted to spend time with me. My sister, who I hated until she was 18 and I was 20, thought of me when she found out that the world premier a cappella group was coming to her school. Let’s just say I was excited.
Sa and Carla did in fact meet me at the door to their dorm. They plopped down into the seats of my car, and told me where to go. It’s not that I’ve never been to Jorgensen, it’s that I am very, very good at getting lost. For that matter, when I got to their dorm and saw them in the doorway, I raised my arms up in triumph, as I had found the right building!
Much to their dismay, we ended up parking in the garage. They’re students, and prefer to save money over all other things. I’m lazy and I prefer to take the easy way out and pay the price. (In this case, the price turned out to be free, as all of the gates were open on the way in and out. So, Sa, if you’re reading this, you had nothing to worry about.)
There’s a manhole cover in front of Jorgensen auditorium that has always, in my memory, been steaming. It doesn’t matter the temperature outside, steam and water vapor pour out of this manhole cover. Oddly, there’s another manhole cover not more than 10 feet away that never steams. I don’t know what’s down there. I probably don’t want to know.
Sa had apparently handed Carla the tickets. As we approached the doors (still 5 minutes before curtain, I wasn’t too late!), Sarah reached for them. Carla, obviously not paying attention, just handed all three back to Sarah. Much laughing, and Sarah gives Carla and I each a ticket. After the stub was ripped off by the usher, I glanced at the seat number and row to get an idea of where we were going.
BB 8
I blinked a few times, and looked again.
BB 8
“You have got to be kidding me,” I muttered as we walked towards the front of the auditorium, along the runs of carpet that are probably as old as the 50 year old building. My sister grinned as we approached the second row. She told me to thank Bruce. “Who’s Bruce. I didn’t just meet him… I met… Dan?” She had introduced me to a couple people who were picking up their tickets at the window as we entered the theatre.
“I used Bruce’s student ID to buy your ticket.”
“Thank you Bruce!”
After a discussion with the usher to figure out which seat was which (they weren’t numbered), we sat down. I looked up at the stage, which sat without adornment. The only things there were six music stands, arranged in a semi-circle. A brief announcement to turn off our cell phones came over the loudspeakers, and then the house lights went dim.
The King’s Singers were all wearing the same dark grey suit. They each had on a different colored tie: pink, green, blue, orange, red, and yellow. They started right away with an upbeat tune in Italian. Their facial expressions told me that it was funny and that I should laugh… but I didn’t know what they were saying. After they finished, the gentleman in the pink tie gave us a description of the “non-pc Italian madrigal.” My sister leaned over and said, “I love madrigals!”
They continued with the six song set of Italian madrigals, with the pink tie narrating. It didn’t seem to matter that I don’t know Italian, save a few words. Their explanation and facial expressions told me everything I needed to know.
The next set was only one song. It was written by an American composer, though the text was Japanese. Jackson Hill’s “Remembered Love, Unforgotten Dreams” was by far my favorite piece of the night. I may not have been able to understand the words, but I understood the music and the lyric. It was ethereal and had large amounts of eastern influence. I don’t know what else to do to describe it. The base melody is still ringing in my ears. I hope I can find it on iTunes.
The third set was in French, and also included some non-PC tunes. The intermission followed, and after following my sister as she wandered around looking for her roommate, we sat back down (unsuccessful). The piece that followed intermission was Paul Drayton’s “Masterpiece.” I believe it was the green tie who introduced this piece. He told us that it was a modest title for a modest piece with modest ambitions to describe the last 400 years of music history in nine minutes. It did so. I’ll let you know when recordings are available – they haven’t released that piece yet. You should really hear this one for yourself. It is amazingly outrageous and outrageously amazing.
They ended the night with some pop tunes. A couple of Simon and Garfunkle, one by Queen, and a couple by the Beatles. My favorite of those was “Blackbird.” I’ve heard a lot of covers of that song. This is now my favorite. It was amazing. During this set, some of the singers were doing some light vocal percussion (think I-8 before Julia taught us how to spit). I leaned over to my sister and said my only negative comment of the night: “They could use to spit a little more.”
My quick-witted sister responded immediately, “Well, duh… they’re British!”
After a standing ovation, our multi-colored-tie-wearing friends came back on stage to do one more song. They made a few jokes about doing songs in Greek, songs with the word “Jorgensen” in them, and “Old MacDonald Had a Farm.” Turns out that last one was less of a joke, as they started singing it. In Italian. It was hilarious.
I was sad when the house lights turned on and the stage door shut for good. We walked out to the lobby, where Sa found that “Masterpiece” was not yet available to buy. She introduced me to a variety of people whose names I’m sure to have forgotten, and we left the building. Sarah and Carla were off to the movies, and I had to go home lest I turn into a pumpkin (I’m so old!). I hugged her and thanked her for inviting me. I said goodbye to Carla, walked past the steaming manhole cover, and back to my car. My drive home wasn’t full of any particular excitement. Though I did get to ride the rollercoaster of route 302 again.
LA LA LA LA LA I Can’t Here You!
Well, for the second day in a row, someone has ruined a TV show for someone else at breakfast. This is, perhaps, getting out of hand. I should probably warn you that I might make mention of television programs that aired recently. So if you’ve got your best friend (your TiVo) storing up some shows that you haven’t watched, you should tread carefully through this post.
It all started on Tuesday. I was just peacefully sitting at my desk, and I hear two of my coworkers talking. I poke my head up, and suddenly realize that they’re talking about Jack. There isn’t a Jack in my office. Jack Bauer is the subject of conversation. I quickly cupped my hands over my ears and monotonically sang “LA LA LA LA LA…” I was lucky to evade the situation.
Unfortunately, Wednesday brought escalation. As we were walking down to breakfast, one of my coworkers said, “House was wicked good last night.” He’s from the area. He says “wicked” a lot. Anyway, I immediately replied, “I haven’t seen it yet.” He hushed up. Temporarily.
We all got our food, sat down at a table by the windows (our only chance to see the sun all day), and started eating. Here I was, minding my own business, sprinkling some salt on my eggs, and what does that same coworker do? [SPOILER ALERT] “So Stacey’s leaving.”
“You ass!” I wailed. “I said I didn’t see it yet!” Something about the concept of TiVo is lost on this guy. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a great guy, but he still lives in the days before TiVo or even VCR, where everyone watched the same show at the same time. That is so 1960s.
So here I am, whining that it’s ruined, when another coworker chimes in, “It’s so sad that Wilson died.” This I knew could not be true. But the first coworker definitely took the ball and ran with it, full speed! “Yeah, that car accident was tragic!” I laughed. I know they didn’t mean badly by it.
Then, Thursday morning comes around. The same troupe of guys was walking down the hall towards the cafe. A couple of people were talking about Lost. Now, I don’t actually watch Lost. My only exposure to it is from the Super Bowl ad (“Might as well face it, you’re addicted to Lost!”). So, I had no idea what they were talking about.
But the same coworker who made jokes about Wilson yells out, “I TiVoed it, I haven’t seen it yet.” They acknowledged him, but the conversation barely stoped for a second. Then they said something pivotal. “UGH!” I made some comment about how he got his due reward, and the other two continue on, weaving in obvious (I guess) lies. They all ended up laughing about it, though the one with the TiVo was at least a little bit miffed.
Back at the table by the window, and I suddenly become the problem. Apparently, my next-cube-neighbor had said that he hadn’t yet seen House. Well, I didn’t hear him. So I guess I now understand the problem, because now that I have seen House, I wanted to talk about it. So, I ruined the [SPOILER!] Stacey thing for him too.
Now, don’t get me wrong, TiVo is a fabulous device. TiVo is our friend. TiVo watches television for us when we cannot. TiVo lets us save part 1 of 2 so that we can watch the two parter back to back, instead of waiting. However, TiVo is making breakfast conversation more difficult.
I talked to Mike about this yesterday, and he said that his group of coworkers basically bans talking about television that happened less than a month ago. If you are a month behind, you’re screwed. I think that’s more or less fair. But what are you to do when you get excited about the show you just watched the night before? Well, basically, hold it in. And, if someone starts with the “LA LA LA LA LA”s, shut it. Seriously.
Not Another Recipe Post
Yeah, so I promised you the wonton recipe. Yay for you, here it is!
Pot Stickers
I was inspired by Alton Brown’s theories and practices, from the “Wonton Ways” episode of Good Eats. However, I didn’t refer to his recipe, which, as I recall, included ketchup (ew!). These are pork flavored, with plenty of cabbage and ginger.
Ingredients:
- 1/2 lb. ground pork
- 1/2 head of Napa cabbage, shredded and washed
- 3 scallions, sliced thin
- 1 carrot, minced
- 1/2 Tbsp. sesame seeds
- 1 tsp. ginger
- 1/2 tsp. onion powder
- 1/2 tsp. garlic powder
- Some soy sauce (sorry, I can’t give a volume here, just… kinda… pour some on)
- Wonton wrappers
- Chicken broth (don’t have volume here either, I poured out what I needed)
Mix everything but the wonton wrappers and chicken broth together, using our fingers. Follow good wonton practices (specifically, don’t let the wrappers dry out – keep a lightly damp paper towel on top of the lot) as taught by A.B.. Put less than a teaspoon of filling on each wrapper. Then run a wet finger along two sides, and fold into a triangle. Wrinkle the edges a little bit. Keep going until you run out of filling, wonton wrappers, patience, or room on your holding area. I ran out of room on my sheet pan and patience.
You can freeze them on a sheet pan or cookie sheet or you can cook them right away. That’s up to you. When you cook them, fry them first, then when they start to get brown, put some chicken broth in the pan and clamp on the lid. They’ll get steamed, and taste good with dipping sauce.
Pot Sticker Dipping Sauce
This one I’ve made for a while. I used to make it for the frozen pot stickers, but I couldn’t find them the other day, and I wanted to try making them anyway. Whatever. This stuff is simple. Mix it. Serve it. Done. Unfortunately for you, I haven’t got a clue what proportions I use. I just kind of pour everything in. Try using a little bit of the spices and adding them until you like what you’ve got.
Ingredients:
- Soy sauce (this is the primary ingredient, start with a lot of this, then add little bits of everything else)
- Pineapple juice
- Red wine vinegar
- The green part of some scallions, cut with scissors
- Powdered ginger
- Garlic powder
- Fresh black pepper
My uncle made it his duty to write down all of my grandmother’s recipes when he was young. He would stand by her with measuring implements and make her dump her handfuls of ingredients into them. He would transcribe everything, much to her frustration. We have all been thankful for these recipes, as we wouldn’t have them otherwise.
It occurs to me that I may cause the same problems. Where my mother keeps all of her recipes in a box on the counter, I keep a rolling pin and my spice dolly. Where my mother keeps her cookbooks, I keep powdered milk, popcorn, and candy. Where my mother keeps several different measuring implements, I have one set of cups and spoons, some of which have never been used.
Don’t get me wrong. My mom is a great cook. She just happens to write things down. She happens to prefer the preciseness of measuring.
And that’s not to say I never use recipes. Sometimes, I even follow them exactly. Most of the time, I only use recipes for general proportions and chemistry. I toy with the flavors as often as possible.
Cooking is a chore to some people. To me, it’s fun. I cooked all day on Saturday and most of Sunday morning, and aside from being quite tired, I felt pretty good when I was done.
Now if only I could have gotten my nap on Sunday afternoon… *ahem*
Not Another Superbowl Post
Don’t tell Mike, but I invented my recipe for pot stickers on Saturday and served them to company (and Mike) on Sunday.
Mike always gets super nervous when I invent recipes. There was this terrible incident involving despicable pizza dough, which I don’t believe I will ever live down. But aside from that, I’m a damn good cook! On my first try, I’ve invented my own versions of:
- Sweet and sour chicken,
- Pot stickers,
- Pot sticker dipping sauce,
- Chicken teriyaki,
- Pineapple dipping sauce,
- Nachos, and
- The irresistible triple chocolate cookies
…among other things.
Because I’m in a sharing mood, I thought I’d share a couple “recipes.” I don’t actually use measuring cups or spoons all that often, so volume is really kind of a guess. I love cooking.
Nachos
This is for Dave. He eats them like they’re the last food on earth every time he comes over. Unfortunately for Dave, and anyone else who wants to try my nachos, I not only don’t measure anything, I change up the ingredients depending on how I feel or what I’ve got in the fridge. More or less, though, it’s pretty similar.
Ingredients:
- oil that you spray out of a can
- 1 onion, cut into various sized bits, depending on my mood (sweet onions are better in bigger pieces, stronger onions I usually mince)
- 1 carrot (if I feel like it) cut into tiny bits
- 1 bell pepper, whatever color I have around, cut into small bits
- 1 lb. ground turkey (yes, I use turkey, I don’t like beef)
- Salt (smallish amount)
- Pepper (smallish amount)
- Cayenne pepper (just a dash, more if you like it spicy)
- Chili powder (a good amount, probably a teaspoon or more)
- Onion powder (more than a little, less than a lot… yeah, I’m super helpful)
- Garlic powder (about the same as onion powder)
- 1 can of kidney beans, rinsed and drained
- 1/2 – 3/4 C. salsa
- 1/4 C. or so of taco seasoning (I use McCormick for my nachos, but I never use it for tacos, it tastes gross on tacos for some reason)
- Enough water to dissolve the taco seasoning
- Some round nacho chips (I find the round ones make for easier eating)
- Mexican blend shredded cheese
Preheat the oven to 425.
Put the veggies in hot pan that you’ve sprayed with spray oil. Cook them until they’re more or less soft. Meanwhile, sprinkle the spices (but not the taco seasoning) on the meat and mix it up a bit. Push the veggies to the sides of the pan, and add the meat. You should probably know that you need a pretty darn big pan to make this stuff. We have a huge one that Mike got on clearance when he worked next to a mall. Cook the meat, crumbling it up, until it’s not pink any more. Add the salsa, taco seasoning, water, and beans. Stir well, and turn the temperature down to medium. Keep stiring until the liquid is all absorbed or evaporated.
Layer the nachos on a pan for the oven. Chips, meat mixture, cheese – I usually do three decreasingly sized layers. You will have way to much meat mixture to make one batch. Usually there’s enough for 3 different days of nachos. Just reheat the meat mixture in the microwave so it isn’t cold before you make the next batch.
Bake the mass for 9 minutes (10 is too long). Eat with more salsa and sour cream if you feel like it. Though they are plenty flavorful on their own.
It turns out that recipes take up a lot of room! Since I generally try to keep my posts under epic length, you’ll just have to wait until tomorrow to get my pot sticker recipe. But you should wait very impatiently, because they taste good, and you might want to make them.
Just because I feel like making myself a liar, here’s what I thought of the super bowl. It was boring. I can’t watch football when it’s not the Patriots. The commercials were more or less pathetic. Thank God for good friends!
My favorite commercial (which I’m sure I’ll be made fun of for) was the Budweiser one where the pony was trying to pull the cart. It was cute. It was made cuter by Kate:
(The commercial starts.)
Kate: “Ooh! Pony! Cute!”
(The pony puts his head in the strap or whatever you call that.)
Kate: “Awww…”
(The pony tries to pull the cart. He is succeeding.)
Kate: “Oh! You know the big horses are just pushing the cart!”
(The view pans to the back of the cart, where the big horses are in fact pushing.)
Kate, along with many others in the room, including me: “AWW!!”
(“We won’t tell if you don’t,” or something like that.)
Kate: “Oh my God, I’m going to cry.”
Diane: “I think I am crying!”
Kate: “Me too!”
Good News and Bad News
When someone tells you that they have good news and bad news, which do you ask for first? I always go for the bad, so the good can make up for it and leave me uplifted. I don’t know what that says about me or my personality, but it is the truth.
Yesterday at the gym was a day of reckoning. Every 10-12 weeks (depending on whether or not I got a deal), I get measured and compared to the previous measurements. It can be both exciting and nerve wracking. The measurements include weight, body fat percentage (done by pinching device, which is less than accurate, but it’s always the same device, so it is at least relatively accurate), waist circumference, hip circumference, thigh circumference, and upper arm circumference.
Over the last twelve weeks, I have lost only 2 pounds. Yes, I know, I didn’t gain weight, so it’s pretty good. But considering that on other spans I’ve lost as much as 10 or 12 at a time, it feels crappy. I have also lost 1% of body fat. Not too bad, really, but nothing special, considering how many percents I have. Meanwhile, all of the circumferences have stayed the same. The same! Ugh.
Due to this, and the fact that I’ve been cranky lately, Donna has me on probation. I must write down what I eat again, like I did for the first three months or so of the program. I must tally up calories and fat grams and fruits and vegetables and protein. I must make sure I have not been screwing up. This is not so bad, because I really don’t think I do that bad. I have had a couple bad weeks recently due to the fact that I bought Girl Scout cookies… I only eat the lemon ones (the low fat ones!), but low fat means nothing when you eat eight of them in a day… Bad Diane.
The worse news is that she wants me to up my cardio. Honestly, I don’t like running on a treadmill. It’s boring, monotonous, and sweaty. I love running outside, that’s fun, pretty, and sweaty. Yeah, the sweat is a constant, but it’s tempered by the pretty trees in the summer. Anyway, I was previously doing 64 total minutes of treadmill a week. I will now be doing 100 total minutes a week. Yikes!
Okay, now that the bad news is over, I have good news! I’ve saved a bunch of money by switching my car insurance to gecko.
Uh… no. Not that. God, that’s a terrible joke. Why did I say that!
The good news is that I graduated. I graduated off of the chest press machines. I can officially bench press the empty bar! I know that probably sounds wimpy to all of you body builder types. It probably sounds wimpy to you non-body-builder types. Let me tell you, though, that empty bar is heavy! But I did it. Two sets of 10. (Also a wimpy number, but it was my first try!)
Today, my chest and biceps are mad at me. In a good way. Tomorrow, I must do 40 minutes on the treadmill. I will survive. I will succeed. I will hit my goal. And then I will buy a leather coat. A very nice leather coat. And when you see me wearing it, you will know that I have hit my goal. And you will be proud of me. Because I will be proud of me. This day will come. I will win. My body will work the way I want it to. I. Will. Win.
Ten Things
Well, I haven’t posted in a while, and I was starting to feel guilty about that. But since I’m kind of at a lack of things to say at the moment, and I don’t really have time to start up another long story, I’m going to go with a list. A list of magical proportions. A list so listy that you’ll never feel the need to appreciate another list.
So, for your reading pleasure, I present ten things that can be found on my desk.
- I am currently typing on my keyboard. It is not your average keyboard, it is special. It’s one of them split keyboards (with the b on the left side, for those that keep track of suck things). I happen to have carpel tunnel syndrome in both wrists, and have had for quite a few years. To prevent flare-ups, I use split keyboards. I am actually so accustomed to a split keyboard now that typing on a straight keyboard is nearly impossible for me. It is really a good thing that I learned how to touch type in middle school (good job public school system!), so adjusting to the split keyboard took almost no effort. Getting the company to buy this thing, on the other hand… that was a task and a half.
- Whenever I get frustrated, my cube neighbors must be able to tell. For this is when I start wheeling my matchbox Lamborghini at various items on my desk. When I’m still concentrating, I wheel it at my keyboard, and it happily bounces off. When all hope is lost, I wheel it at pretty much anything, and often drop it on the floor. Currently, it is upside-down, because I also enjoy spinning it around on its roof. I promise, if I had a Lambo, I wouldn’t treat it so poorly. Someone want to buy me one?
- Even though it is pretty early in the day, I have already decided that I need a sugar fix. As such, I have five tootsie-roll wrappers on my desk. Two of them still contain their sugary-chocolaty-taffy-like-substance. The other three are empty. I got them from the bowl outside of our administrator’s cube. She’s awesome and always has candy available for snacking.
- I have this plant. I can’t tell you how I got it, but you should understand that it was funny and also uncomfortable. But out of politeness, I must keep it alive. That is difficult, seeing as I kill plants by thinking about them. Three weeks, no death yet, so I guess I’m not doing too badly.
- When I was younger, my mom got me a book of paper airplanes. The same people who made that book made a calendar for 2005. I had that calendar. Now, instead, I have a huge pile of paper airplanes and an even huger pile of calendar pages ready to become paper airplanes. I use them for throwing at my next-cube-neighbor’s head. He uses them for throwing at my head. We both use them for amusing ourselves when we get bored.
- I am the girl with all the toys. I have two plastic toys that are definitely made for children. I just tried in vain to find pictures for you to look at. But I can promise you that they are not meant for adults. That doesn’t stop adults from stopping by my cube purely for the purpose of playing with these toys.
- I have a pile of hard drives on my desk. This one is actually related to work. Hard drives are awesome, except when they have bugs on them. Then they have sticky notes on them that say things like, “This HDD is pissing me off!”
- I have a row of green sticky notes along the desk above my monitor. I don’t think I could survive without sticky notes. They tell me the names of the branches I’m working out of. They tell me the list of things I should do. They tell me the list of things I was supposed to do a few weeks ago, finished, and never bothered to get rid of the sticky note (just in case I still need it!). They tell me passwords for FTP sites and charge codes for projects and memory locations of bugs. They know everything. Plus, they’re green, which is cool.
- I have piles and piles of papers on my right. I don’t throw things away. This is partially because I am a pack rat, and partially because I am not supposed to simply throw papers away. We are supposed to shred any “company confidential” documents. Considering every document on my desk is “company confidential,” I have to shred anything I want to get rid of. That takes time. I’m lazy. So I keep piles of paper all over the place.
- I have this neat little trick of the eye that I made one day when I wasn’t busy. You can go look at Grand Illusions to learn how to make yourself a neat dragon. They even have a PDF file you can print out and cut and fold. It’s cool. I don’t have to show it off though, because my next-cube-neighbor does it for me. Any time anyone comes by, it’s, “Have you seen this? Close one eye!” You should make one and see if you can get your next-cube-neighbor excited about it. Being excited is fun.
Well, there you go: ten things that can be found on my desk. I hope you enjoyed this time-killing exercise. Perhaps you would like to tell me about things that are on your desk. That would be fun. Desks are awesome. Yep. Awesome.