Welcome to Massachusetts
Mike and I were on our way home from the Burlington Mall yesterday, when I saw the epitome of Massachusetts driving. I was just bopping along in the second lane of 128 south (a.k.a. I-95 south, a.k.a. 3 north, no I’m not kidding, and this is the easy northern part of 128, the southern part is weirder). Anyway, I was bopping along in the second lane, and I watched the three cars in front of me, one in the second lane and two in the third.
First, the front car in the third lane threw on his right blinker. Nanoseconds later, the car in the second lane threw on his left blinker. Shortly after that, the back car in the third lane merged left. Then the front car in the third lane merged right. Then, finally, the car in the second lane turned his blinker back off.
I blinked several times, while of course carefully steering and accelerating (you can never be going too fast on 128). “There you go. That’s Massachusetts driving at its finest.”
We had just witnessed all three oddities of driving in Massachusetts. The common, “I’m merging, but I’m not going to tell you about it, because that would be giving it away;” the less common, “I’m going to trick you into believing I’m merging, but then not do it, just to confuse you;” and the extremely rare, “Pardon me ladies and gentlemen, but I thought you would like to know that I’m going this way.”
I hate to think what outsiders must feel like. At least I only came from Connecticut. We tend to use blinkers, but are defensive about the other morons on the road. I cannot imagine someone from Ohio or someplace being able to drive 128. It’s a special kind of torture.
They call us “Mass-holes” for a reason…
Jon Abad said:
We feel like y’all are weird.
I, of course, practice the “Pardon Me” in my best southern drawl.
Kelly said:
Of course, blinkers then moving don’t necessarily mean “pardon me”, there’s also the “I’m going so you had better get out of my way and I mean now” but that’s less of a Massachusetts thing.
Joe said:
Right turns from the left lane, left turns from the right lane, yup is that light red? I think so. Yup, welcome to Utah. I also have a strong suspicion that the women here in this state deliberately do not put snow tires on their cars as a ploy to meet men to push them out of the damn jams they keep getting into. Seriously…I’ve probably, in my entire time in MA, I’ve probably had to push perhaps 3 ladies out of the snow. And, they had snow tires, and they had legit places to be stuck in. This winter, so far, I’ve had 4 women stuck. 2 in my driveway (seriously! it’s flat and level! c’mon people!), 1 on a hill (she was just plain retarded) and 1 somewhere else I can’t remember, other than the fact I was really damn irritated about it. Yeah, ok, end rant mode ;-)> You just managed to touch a chord there.
dinane said:
Jon -
I totally left my impression on the south when I was 16. I barely had my license, and my family was doing the cross country trip. We hit something like 30 states in 3 weeks.
I was driving in Mississippi. I was really tired. I was 16 and therefore retarded. I merged without looking in my side mirror. I swiped the side of a poor lady’s car. She was on her way to visit her sister in the hospital. I am a horrible, horrible person. I think the south hates me. And rightfully so!
I sure hope I’m a better driver now.
dinane said:
Kelly -
Sometimes, it is “I’m going so you had better get out of my way and I mean now” in Massachusetts. In this case, however, the car in question patiently waited for an opening before actually merging. This is definitely rare.
dinane said:
Joe -
I didn’t realize Utah was so scary. If it weren’t for Arches (my favorite national park - I’ve hiked every trail), I wouldn’t go there at all!
I should write up some stuff about that crazy family journey. Mississippi crash… Utah hiking… Chicago wandering… Wyoming state fair… What a vacation!
Joe said:
That does sound like a good write-up…I’ll look forward to reading it. I haven’t been to Arches yet, but I’m betting I might go down this summer. It’s like a 4-5 h drive one-way to get there from here.
dinane said:
You can totally camp there, and it’s pretty awesome. But you have to get there early, the camp sites sell out very early in the morning. We actually stayed in a motel outside of the park on the first night, then woke up super early to get in line for a camp site the next day.
It does sound like a good write up… And you thought my Canada vacation multipart story was long…
Joe said:
You certainly are more prolific than I am. But, then, I have an advisor constantly whispering in my ear to “cut unneeded words” and “tighten up your sentences.” The result, short sweet sentences.
dinane said:
Was that an insult?
:-D
I admit that my writing is like my speaking. Longwinded and hard to interrupt. Though I have been post-free for a couple days… what’s up with that, I wonder?
Joe said:
No, not an insult. Just a comment on reality ;-)> As for a coupla days…perhaps it’s cause you’ve got to come up with pithy come-backs to my witty remarks?
Ok…now I’m just being conceded.