Clearing the Mind
I got stuck working late yesterday. But I knew about it in advance, so I went in late to match. I have a disdain for people who schedule meetings that last past 4:00 pm. That’s when I leave.
“Whatev’,” as they say, where “they” == one of my coworkers.
I got home at around 6:15 or so, after getting a ride to my car from one of my favorite former coworkers. Yes, I said a ride to my car. It’s an annoyance of having come in late so I could go to a late meeting.
I made myself some quick dinner (quesadias made from leftover nacho meat, if you were wondering), and watched some Celebrity Poker Showdown while I ate. See, some of the real poker bloggers out in the blogosphere hate that show. I, however, love it. But of course, I’m not so good at poker, and I sometimes find myself not changing the channel after the Nightly News… Watching celebrities is like drugs, okay?
Just as Mike got home, it was time for me to leave. I took out the trash (which, I must honestly say, I don’t often do, I’m usually a slacker, Mike’s usually the one who makes sure the apartment doesn’t explode), and got in my car. It’s dark at 7:00 now. Like really dark. Like middle-of-the-night dark. Feels like winter.
I drove down the road and around the rotary, and parked in the lot between the public library and the church. See, I live in what we like to call “suburbia.” We have a “down town” with a rotary, a police station, a Subway (not the transportation kind, the sandwich shop kind), and about twenty thousand churches. Okay, probably more like eight. Whatever.
Mike and I are in the process of joining this particular church, whose parking lot I just turned into. They’re extremely friendly, the pastor is a lot of fun, and they’re open to accepting us. Specifically, in my case, they don’t mind taking in someone who was raised Catholic with a big fat capital C. We’ve been talking to the church leaders, and I really feel like I could fit in here.
You may be thinking, “Hey, wait! Yesterday was Thursday. Church is for Sundays. WTF?” Well, see, I also joined the choir. As you may have guessed from previous posts, I am huge into music. I live music. I breathe music. I sing in the car. Constantly. Whether I’m alone or not. Too bad for you if you don’t like music. And you have no idea how difficult it is for me to refrain from singing in my cube at work.
The choir seemed happy to let me come and sing with them. Again, they are just so friendly. Too bad I can never remember all of their names (much to my embarrassment every week).
The music director is extremely talented. He improvises accompaniment for the hymns and anthems like nobody’s business, and he has a way of getting what he wants out of the voices in the room. He’s very encouraging and a great leader, along with his insanely awesome musical skill.
This week, we got a bunch of new music. Mostly Christmas stuff, and some things for the first couple weeks of November. Apparently, this Sunday, a missionary visitor is coming to church from Africa, so we’re doing some very interesting hymns in languages I don’t know. It really is fun!
All the time while we were practicing “Siyahamba,” I was just… I don’t know how to explain… there. My brain wasn’t wandering, I wasn’t rattling off the lists of things I have to do or take care of, I wasn’t panicking about one thing or another, I wasn’t cold, I wasn’t hot, I wasn’t tired, I wasn’t anything but there.
The closest experience for me before this would be Yoga classes in college. Those one hour classes held once a week were the only period of time that I felt no stress while in school. Outside of that, my brain was (and still is) always on the move. I constantly plan and plot and think and ponder and fret and freak out. It’s just what I do.
But while I was singing these songs praising God and Jesus… I wasn’t. For the first time in a while, I was “in the moment.” I’d say things were clear, but it’s more than that. Other things simply were not in my mind.
We moved on from the raucous music for this week to the thoughtful piece we’ll be singing next week, and then on to a new song for the week after. That new song, by the way, is from Oh Brother Where Art Thou. I know the girls in I-8 have been singing that one recently. It is tremendously fun to sing and just so delightfully simple. All the while, my brain never left the choir room.
When rehearsal was over, I put away my folder and my hymnal. I chatted briefly with Jenn (who I had to ask to repeat her name) and said my goodbyes. I got in my car, turned the radio way up, and tried to maintain my state of mind. I got as far as the rotary before I started feeling my familiar lists and nervousness returning. (Rotaries make me very nervous.)
By the time I got home, the feeling was nearly gone.
Luckily for me, I get to sing at church on Sunday and then go back to rehearse on Thursday, then more Sundays, and more Thursdays…
I may just relax a bit yet.